Description: OPENING CEREMONIES OF BURNING MAN INCLUDES LOTS OF...BURNING. ALSO LOTS OF STUPID, NAKED PEOPLE RUNNING AROUND. DEPRESSING. ; NX Camera 'walks' over to MS man in outfit covering entire head & body & circles around him ; NX LS naked woman brandishing lit torch circles tightly outfitted guy then sets him ablaze (oh! HE must be the 'Burning Man') ; NX WS burning man runs up steps of altar, z-in on FS of guy as he revels in crowd's cheers, p-out to LS guy under huge neon 'man' ; NX LS burning man runs down other side of altar & p-in for FS tall neon 'man' as it too bursts into flames. Crowd goes wild. Yawn. ; NX MS guy looking up at spectacle & pan-l to MS 2 women sucking on champagne bottle & basking in the glory that IS The Burning Man ; NX MS guy dressed as swami wiping drool off beard & p-out to WS motley crew of people looking up at burning...thing ; NX Low FS burning neon man w/ VAR small bottle rockets going off, p-in on MS neon man w/ tilt-d to his burning legs & p-out to FS ; NX FS neon man EXPLODING from legs up! Well, not a HUGE explosion--more like firecracker style. Debris flies everywhere ; NX Okay, if this is supposed to be a FS of burning neon guy 'ejaculating' shots of fire from his mid-region, I'm leaving ; NX FS burning neon guy's fire has spread to altar below. It's just a damn potpourri of fire! Panning WS across very happy crowd ; NX torch girl winding her camera w/ pan-l to guy wearing devil horns looking disappointed w/ tilt-d to guy taking pictures on knees ; NX FS Burning neon guy collapses (Hey! You can see the string!), & everyone in crowd almost comes in their pants. Excuse me ; NX WS entire crowd is happy & rushes to burning altar to dance around. So the whole point was to set neon guy on fire? ; NX CU guy w/ black & white painted face (talk head). Y'know, watching grown people act like this makes me wish fire never existed ; NX CU guy in Hindu get-up (talk head). Even with these nuts talking about it, they still offer no insight as to what the point is ; NX VAR shots of these pyromaniacs jumping around fire chaotically. Most seem to be 'forcing' themselves to have fun ; NX MS guy blocking face from heat. FS burning pile of debris. MS guy who says this is 'Out-fucking-rageous!' & tries to kiss a guy ; NX MS lady dressed in Leia's Jabba the Hutt outfit from Jedi (talk head). LARRY HARVEY?!? THAT'S who's responsible for this?!? ; NX From a relatively coherent lady to CU of sweaty, drunk black guy jumping up & down doing more drooling than talking at camera ; NX MS white-haired guy who looks out of place (talk head). MS guy yelling 'You're going down' at fire. God, I just don't know ; NX MS guy in space helmet walks by & flips off camera. Well, at least these people are sociable. MS guy & butch gal deep-kissing ; NX VAR shots fire & lunatics. MS 2 losers (boy loser & girl loser, talk head). Circling CU other cameraman (talk head) ; NX FS fire. High MS topless female dancing in place. The nude girls are the only 'plus' side I see about cheating these tapes ; NX FS guy in 'spotlight suit' lurking around carrying jug of Carlo Rossi wine. These people, conversely, are the 'minuses' ; NX CU future serial killer babbling into camera. MS shirtless goon assuring us he is not the 2nd coming of Christ. What a relief ; NX FS guys pushing around a bed on wheels w/ sailboat sail. So what do they do? They push it into the fire! Hey, why not? ; NX VAR shots fire & people in crowd still going bananas. Nice (admittedly) WS silhouetted crowd against flames of bonfire ; NX LS sparklers shooting up into air. WS silhouetted crowd against fire. MS silhouette of guy w/ Cat in Hat hat ignoring Dwight ; NX High WS nude girl rubbing shirtless fat guy's chest on ground. Double-yuk. VAR shots fire and loons ; NX CU Highly-intelligent blonde girl explaining how Burning Man is '...the most incredible ritual that we have in this century.' ; NX MS silhouette guy with butterfly wings against fire. FS trio of naked women dancing in silhouette. Not as good as it sounds ; NX High FS topless girl on knees 'taking in' fire, clothed guy next to her looks bored. FS guy vaguely dressed like Mac Tonite guy ; NX WS trio of topless girls dance around guy in lawn chair. Hey! That's black & white face paint guy from Line 15! Dork. ; NX totally nude man approaches camera. MS nude couple embracing. WS silhouette of crowd against fire w/ 3-man shoulder tower ; NX VAR shots smaller bonfires. VAR shots crowd & fire. Very large-breasted woman dances topless...almost gives self 2 black eyes ; If the fire somehow got out of control & burned up all these people, it just might singlehandedly raise the average (con't) ; intelligence ratio of the human gene pool ;
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