B-Roll – Larry the Cable Guy Roast – Vicki Roberts, Reno Collier, Rebecca Cory

Sound Bite: Reno Collier
Uh I’m married but uh like to think about her. I’m not in that thing and people for most beautiful, me and Andy Richter always get screwed.

Sound Bite: Reno Collier
I pull more stuff on him really like um I was telling him, we used to do this show and we were in Alabama and the curtain that’s in front of the stage right so he’s out there doing a set and when he does a show he paces back and forth, so when he’d look back there’s only a window of room like this, so I took off all my clothes. I was naked except for my boots, and I had a cracker basket and I was going like you want some of that? And he does everything based on steps so it completely threw his set off, he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about and then we did another show in South Carolina and girls were throwing their underwear at him that said Git R Done on them. (talks) And they were like thongs and stuff so I went in the back and I took my underwear off and I went up in the front where all these girls were running up and I ran up and chucked my underwear at them, like this big fat guy underwear is floating down like the feather in Forrest Gump. It’s fun, we screw around all the time, it’s fun.

Sound Bite: Gary Valentine
No Larry never gets ripe. That’s the beauty of Larry. He’s um he never gets ripe. I’ve wrestled with him and um I’ve had my, he’s got my head underneath the armpit there and I love it, I like being there, it’s a good spot.

Sound Bite: Kyle Cease
Well it’s weird because we almost actually bought, brought a bag of garbage with us to make him feel at home because I know he’s going to feel weird. People are in suits, speaking with you know full sentences so we’re excited to be here and um this is Julie, by the way. We’ve had a lot of sex. I had sex with her earlier today.
Julie – 3 times.
So in just in case… the second time I had sex with her was just to prove to her that it wasn’t a dream because I’m very good with a lot of sex. Why don’t you tell him about it?
Julie – I watch him touch himself.
That’s not, don’t even…
Julie – And I come out of the shower and he’s done and I’m like…
That’s not…
Julie – That’s not sex.
Okay so I have a lot of sex with her and hold her down and stuff like that, I mean.
Julie – Hold me down. Holding down. Yeah.

Sound Bite: Kyle Cease
No yeah check it out. Film me halfway through the set. You’ll just notice me getting a little bit taller and sadder. And people around me will start leaving so it’s something I’ve got planned so you know so.

Sound Bite: India de Beaufort & Marques Ray
Ray – Um I thought when I first saw him that it was uh it was a character but it’s really him and I think if I meet him I’m gonna try to break him cause I’m not really sure if he’s trying to dupe me.
Beaufort – Yeah I think I’d be interested to sess him out.
Ray – Probably fight him too. I might fight him. No. I love him.
Beaufort – I think you might get your ass kicked.
Ray – Yeah it’s probably true.

B-Roll – Larry the Cable Guy Roast – Jeff Foxworthy, Nick D’Agosto, Doug Benson

Sound Bite: John Melendez
I do. He’s been on the show so many times and he’s a great guy, he’s always like a, he’s like a a ?, which is a good thing because you know there are so many people that come in and out, and he’s always like, what’s up? You know so he’s a good guy, you know.

Sound Bite: Doug Benson
Talks about Super High Me

Sound Bite: Doug Benson
Oh yeah he does, now that you mention it. (talks) I would hope dressed up for his roast, put on a blazer or something instead of his stinky working shirt that he wears even though he never works. He’s not working for a living, he’s telling jokes. It’s easy. (talks) Yeah that’s what I’m saying. I totally skirted all responsibility in life by uh becoming a joke teller.

B-Roll – Larry the Cable Guy Roast – Lisa Lampanelli, Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy and Cara Whitney

Sound Bite: Jeff Foxworthy
Yeah. You know the fact that he has children just astonishes me because I’ve been on that bus and seen his underwear on the floor, the fact that anyone would give him the opportunity to have children is amazing.

Sound Bite: Jeff Foxworthy
I gave up, you know, this is what I say about Larry: Larry is a lot like going to the state fair. 5 minutes of hanging around him you will feel better about your own family.

Sound Bite: Jeff Foxworthy
Trust me. She showed up on my roast, which is my mother’s tombstone reads “Thanks Lampanelli”. Yeah, this should be interesting.

Sound Bite: Lisa Lampanelli
Let me tell ya, I don’t care a crap about none of them if that that were Sapp, because as you know I enjoy the blacks very much. You know my vag has been occupied by more blacks than a Culver City storage unit, so the way it goes is, I’m gonna try and track down this Sapp and eh oh eh oh donkey punch, that’s all I’m saying.

Sound Bite: Greg Giraldo
You know I don’t know I’ve never been close enough to him to judge. I would assume it would get ripe, but he’s got a lot of money so he can afford very high and he’s probably had his scent glands removed.

Sound Bite: Nick DiPaolo
Uh I know Larry not that well, I met him a long time ago on the road in Florida and uh I work with him I’ve been on the bus with him a couple times before he was Larry the Cable Guy, but we hit it off great, he’s a great guy, deserves all success. He was funny before Larry and he’s funny now and uh I’m happy for him, you know.

B-Roll – Larry the Cable Guy Roast – Larry the Cable Guy, Warren Sapp, Derrick Miller, Larry and Cara Whitney

Sound Bite: Warren Sapp
Oh I must, I must, I’m gonna try and give it my best.

Sound Bite: Larry the Cable Guy
Yeah I saw Warren, I’m a dwarf next to Warren yeah exactly. (talks) Lisa will rip me up uh the only good thing about that is me and Lisa are really good friends and I put her in 2 out of 3 of my movies so she knows not to rip me too much or she won’t get another role. No Lisa’s great, I hope she rips me a new one I think it’ll be funny.

Sound Bite: Larry the Cable Guy
Twitches and under britches? Uh I got up this morning and I had some twitches and then uh you wanna finish it?
Cara – And then he put on his, and then I had sex with my wife and put on my britches.
There you go.